Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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