Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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