fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
