I'm so fucking centered right now
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
