WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
