I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
