She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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