With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
