so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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