so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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