Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
