your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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