he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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