i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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