i don't like sucking hair
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
