you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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