The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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