Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
