You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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