I want to make a zoo with you.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
