i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
