my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
