i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
