i need an iv and a liver transplant
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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