I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
