I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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