I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
