I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
