my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't deserve a penis
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
