After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
