he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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