She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
