WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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