Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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