I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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