Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
