I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
