girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
