I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
