If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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