I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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