just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
