well I can't set my house on fire every night
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
