Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
