pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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