I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
