If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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