Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
