I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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