I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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