Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
