Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My breath smells like gin and sadness
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
