the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
