At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
