That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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