please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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