So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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