dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
