I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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