Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
