Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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