And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
