he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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