haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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