Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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