Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
