So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
