Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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