There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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