my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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