direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I forget how to act sober
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
