Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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